Leaving the hospital was difficult. We stayed for hours saying our good byes. I called the children as soon as we were told about the heart attack. They came as fast as they could, but they did not arrive in time. I’ll never forget those minutes of seeing them work on Jim trying to revive him, feeling I could not leave him, but I knew our children would be getting off that elevator any time, and I did not want them to come back not knowing that his heart had stopped beating.
We were always so proud of our children. My son arrived first. What an awesome man he is. I saw him walking up the hallway, and I met him and informed him that they were working on his dad, but it did not look good. He raced to the door of the room, and watched as they tried to save his dad. I just looked at him and hurt for him as he watched. I could not help but to think what a fine man we raised. His beautiful wife was expecting their first baby boy in May. He was a good, caring husband and I knew he would be a wonderful, caring father.
The doctor came out to speak with me, and I asked him if he was calling the code, and he said yes. They did everything they could think of and he just was not responding. I walked up the hallway to the elevators waiting for our girls. No matter how old they were they were still daddy’s baby girls. They loved their father. Angi being a single mom depended so much on her dad to step in and take the role of father and husband as her needs arose, which he gladly did. Many times he stepped in as her provider when her bills were unpaid and no money coming in. He would get things fixed around her house as they needed, and he took care of her car maintenance, what would she do now? Erika just turning 15 in January waiting to get her driving permit so her dad could teach her to drive. What would they do now without their father? He loved them so much and they loved him.
Mckenzie and Caleb, our grand-kids were so attached to their papa. They spent so much time with us and now they would grow up without him. All these things were racing through my mind. Finally here came the girls off the elevator. I just started crying when I looked at them, and said I’m sorry dad didn’t make it. We all just hugged each other and cried.
I arrived at home and could not sleep. In the early morning hours I entered my prayer room. As I prayed the Lord spoke to me. He was with me and I knew it. I felt Him as if I could touch Him. He surrounded me with His peace and love. I knew everything was going to be alright. He spoke this word to me.
(2/14/08 @ 2:45am)
My word from the Lord: In your hour of grief, I am with you. You feel My peace and My rest. You understand much more today than you did yesterday. And tomorrow you will understand more than today. I am your husband now. My hand is upon you. Your earthly husband is with Me walking in the heavenlies and tasting of its goodness. He is talking and learning and growing in Me already. He is happy and joyful and has total peace, which the world cannot understand. All has come to meet him, and he shares of all the stories of the heavenly place where you long to be. Love has consumed him, and joy has over taken him, and now he is mine for all eternity. No more worry for him. Imagine one day you will meet us in the air; all of heaven is watching and waiting for the call, the trumpet to sound, the sky to open and the children to enter into the bosom of their Father. Heaven, what a wonderful place, it is glorious, colorful, pleasure that nothing on earth can compare. No regrets; don’t look back, look forward, separation is only temporary, and heaven is eternal. He is waiting for you on the other side.
I felt such peace in my heartache. Heaven, what a wonderful place.
My life has gone on and I have a wonderful, God loving, family loving husband now. My children are all grown up and doing well. The Lord has given them a wonderful step-father, and although they miss their dad so much they know the Lord has blessed them with a step-father that cares very much for them, and my grandchildren, we have a lot more of them, all love their papa. I felt the Lord wanted me to share this today for someone that maybe has a loss in their life and it feels like a heartache that will consume them. I pray His words to me will comfort you in this time of great sorrow.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.